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Abstract

A Step-by-Step System For Saving Your Relationship After It's Been
Shattered By An Affair

"I Wanted To Strangle My
Husband Ray When I Caught
Him Red-Handed In An Affair"

"I Felt So Devastated, Enraged and
Humiliated. I Never Dreamed I Could Save
My Marriage, Let Alone Trust Him Again..."
- Kathie Brown

Wednesday, 11:13 a.m.
Dr. Frank Gunzburg

Dear Friend,

Almost everyone was watching Grandpa open his gifts except the few who
saw Ray and Kathy out of the corners of their eyes.

Those who witnessed it were shocked and amazed. Those who heard about
it were relieved. Even Kathy's daughter Emma, hidden in the corner of
the room, saw it and wrestled back her tears of joy.

As Ray sat alienated in the back, he felt a hand slip softly into his.
Looking down, he recognized the fingers he'd known for years laced
lovingly through his hand. He glanced up slowly to see Kathy's
reassuring face as she gave him a smile.

...And That's When I Knew Ray And Kathy
Were Turning The Corner

No longer was Ray cold and defensive, backed into his corner of
isolation. No longer was Kathy feeling emotionally shipwrecked,
paralyzed with humiliating images of Ray in the arms of the other
woman.

...tormented by her unanswered questions.

....devastated after having her complete self-worth sabotaged.

After only a few weeks, something major was starting to change.
Suddenly, talking about the details didn't feel like taking a walk in a
minefield. Kathy's emotions were finally starting to be under her
control and no longer holding her hostage.

Ray began to open up and communicate with sincerity and humility. He
gently allowed her to express the trauma she experienced without
arguing or throwing it back in her face (more on Ray and Kathy's story
in a second).

At this point, I realized that the consistent methods I have been using
for 31 years would work for almost any couple(if at least one of them
is willing to start before it is too late).

You see, I'm not going to lie to you.

Restoring Trust After The Affair Might
Sound Like An Empty Promise Or Too
Good To Be True, But It Is Possible

Not only have I seen it, but I've helped people take control by
equipping them with a 3-phase system that can restore their
relationship with more honesty, safety, and intimacy than before the
affair (even if their spouse isn't yet willing).

My name is Dr. Frank Gunzburg. For 15 of my 59 years, I have lived in
Baltimore, Maryland with my wife Sandy, our five children, and our six
grandchildren. For the most part, I'd say it's been a quiet life,
except for one thing.

Over the last 31 years, I've fought in the trenches alongside couples
who are desperate to save their marriages after affairs. Some come to
me hopeful, some come cold and battle-hardened, and others come alone,
uncertain, and praying that I can breath life back into their near-dead
relationship.

After three decades of specializing in marriage counseling, I've seen
many people give up. I've seen many relationships where the couples put
off healing too long and eventually cause irreparable damage.

More importantly, I've seen the majority of my couples overcome what
they imagined to be unbeatable odds by restoring their relationship and
making it better than before the affair.

Sound hard to believe? Perhaps, but all I ask is that you refrain from
disbelieving until I show you proof.

Imagine this... what if I told you that the magic bullet for rebuilding
your relationship included one or more of the following ten actions:
1. Talking.
2. Asking for forgiveness.
3. Reading self-help books.
4. Praying.
5. Sending letters, cards, and flowers.
6. Being more attentive.
7. Going to counseling.
8. Setting boundaries.
9. Discussing the details and answering all questions.
10. Meeting each other's needs.

You might say I'm right, or you might say you've tried these and many
more things and they simply don't work.

In April 2004, right before I finished outlining my affair-healing
system, I performed an extensive survey of 300 willing couples who all
had one thing in common - a relationship ripped apart by an affair.

In addition to 30 extensive questions, I asked them to list the top 10
things they tried in an attempt to heal their relationship. The list
above is the result of this study (with talking leading the pack at
58%).

However, despite all that hard work (including counseling), only 55%
were willing to continue the relationship. (Of those who were willing
to continue, 71% stayed because of the children.)

Like Kathy, many were ready to call it quits. So, what was the problem?

Successfully repairing your relationship is not about doing a lot of
hard work; it's a system. This system is about doing the right things
, BUT more importantly, doing them in the right order.

You see, all of the things listed above can be good, but most of the
time they are performed in the wrong order.

Let me explain with an example.

Talking About The Details Of The
Affair Can Be The Difference Between
Staying Together And Splitting Up

Fact: Of 1083 married couples surveyed, out of the group who discussed
the affair in great detail, 86% remained married. Out of the group who
discussed the affair very little, only 55% remained married.

A survey performed by Peggy Vaughan
and the BAN network

When you choose to talk about the details is more important than if you
talk about the details.

Here's why: when your spouse drops the bomb of their affair, it's one
of the most shocking and devastating experiences you can go through.
The mental and physical pain can be too much to bear.

With Kathy, the shock of the news left her emotionally paralyzed.

"After many weeks of lying numb in bed, I tried to get my life back
together, but this horrible combination of emotions kept coming up. At
first I just felt rage: a kind of anger I have never felt before and
pray to God I never feel again.

"Slowly the rage turned into hatred. I wanted to kill him. I mean I
really wanted to kill him. I scared myself with the images that ran
through my head. I can't tell you how many times I thought about going
into the kitchen and getting the butcher knife. It scares me to talk
about it even now. I had no idea I was capable of such feelings of
violence.

"Eventually I realized these emotions were masking what I really felt
deep down inside: betrayed, humiliated, and defeated. What's more, I
felt very, very sad. I felt like someone had died, and in a sense,
someone had. At the time, I felt like the life I had worked so hard for
was dead.

I was the one who had died. My rage and hate were like a shield against
these softer emotions. My heart hurt so much I didn't even want to
feel. The heart can really break you know. Mine has. I've felt it."

- Kathy Brown

Because of the intense pain you're going through, talking about the
details at this stage in the game most likely will only confirm the
negative feelings you already have about yourself. This will do nothing
to help you cope.

In addition, most couples experience a regression in their relationship
after they discuss the details. However, if both of you are emotionally
prepared, you'll quickly recover, thus making the experience healthy.

This is why I show you how to talk about the details after I've
empowered you to take control over your emotions in the first phase of
my 3-phase healing system.

Three Specific Phases For Restoring
The Trust Back Into Your Relationship

Many say time can be a great healer; however, when left without a map,
most people usually get lost and drift further apart.

As much as time has the ability to heal, it can also have a negative
impact. Letting your emotions run wild and doing the wrong things over
and over can eventually disable you and kill your chances at surviving
the affair.

For months, Kathy bought Ray gifts, tried being nice, hid her anger,
convinced him to set boundaries, and even encouraged him to talk
through the details.

Despite her hard work, every time they would try to talk they would
tailspin out of control. When they sat down to work things out,
emotions would ignite and they would either engage in a ruthless
argument or simply shut each other out.

For example, Kathy would try to force Ray to share the details, but
every time he would she would burst into tears and eventually start
yelling. (Every time they sat down to talk, Ray became more and more
reserved because he feared going through the same emotional roller
coaster - he simply shut her out.)

Also, Ray was trying to move on in the relationship before
understanding what drove him to have an affair in the first place.
(Telling Kathy that she needed to "get over it" was like trying to
hammer a bent nail into the wall- it would never work.)

Kathy bought all the main-stream marriage books, watched the talk
shows, and even bought a few marriage videos. She tried almost
everything they suggested, but still felt disconnected, hopeless, and
frustrated. Once she stumbled onto my information, one night while
searching the Internet, she was almost without hope.

After listening to her for 20 minutes, I told her the following 3
things with which she and Ray needed help:
1. Kathy needed help taking control of her turbulent emotions,
fighting off negative thoughts and restoring her self-worth so she
could functionally communicate her pain to Ray. (Without believing
the lie that it was her fault and drowning in a pool of
self-hatred.)
2. Ray needed help uncovering the reasons why he had the affair and
understanding the pain Kathy was going through so he could give her
an opportunity to heal and forgive him. (Knowing this information
would prevent it from happening again.)
3. Ray and Kathy needed help working together through the 10
dimensions of their relationship to slowly, but permanently,
rebuild the trust in order to affair-proof their marriage.

I explain the solution as three separate issues because that's the way
I look at the relationship after an affair (the injured, the person who
cheated, and the relationship). Both the injured and the cheater need
to sort out specific issues before they can begin to work on the
"relationship."

Because of the trauma and alienation that an affair brings, it is
unrealistic to assume you can work together right away. First, they
need to work alone and sort through all of the emotional weights (Phase
I). Once they are ready, they will start working together (Phase II).

Working through the emotional turmoil first is crucial because it helps
the couple avoid starting World War III and making matters worse.

"...your program describes exactly what should be done."

"I think you hit the nail on the head when you said to sort through
your emotions instead of asking questions about the affair. I think
people don't know what to do when they are so numb from finding out,
but your program describes exactly what should be done."

Kristin Slagle
Milner, GA

This is why my system is unique; many other programs require couples to
start together right out of the gate. I help you start healing your
marriage even if your spouse isn't willing yet.

What You Can DO To Save Your Relationship

To repair your relationship you need to follow a sequence. I call it a
sequence because healing your relationship is about building on success
after success. As a matter of fact, that is how I came up with my
system.

After spending years watching couples go back and forth, I started to
see patterns (certain methods that worked to bring a couple closer
together).

Over time, I started writing down what worked, and I continued testing
these patterns until they became rules.

This is what makes my information different than many of the infidelity
books on the market. While there are many good books that offer great
information for understanding how you feel, they do not carefully
organize that information into phases that help you, your partner, and
then both of you work things out.

They simply expect you to figure it out with trial and error. That's
why books don't heal marriages. But systems do.

"...you give a true road map and plan on how to deal with this
situation."

"I have looked at a lot of books in the bookstores, but I find that
they are too theoretical. You get right to the meat of the whole
thing... you don't have to read a bunch of preliminary stuff. When you
are in this situation, you want to get right to the point and you have.
Well done!

I think you give a true road map and plan on how to deal with this
situation. I think most people, after they get over the shock,still
want to save their marriage, but they need to know how to go about it."

Wayne Hansen
Vancouver, BC, Canada

That is why I spent that last 18 months organizing all of my methods
and documenting them into a step-by-step system that you can use to
restore yourself and then rebuild your relationship
.

It's called...

How to Survive an Affair: A Step-by-Step System
for Saving Your Relationship after It's Been
Shattered by an Affair

Here's what you need to do right now.

In order to repair the trust, you will work through three phases. Each
phase corresponds directly to a specific part of the healing process.

There is no time limit; you can move at the pace that serves you, no
matter where you are (months or years into the healing process). I've
had several people come to me after years of knowing about the affair
and start at the beginning. (They received benefits they never
imagined.)

"...we're talking and laughing."

"I am able to converse with my partner in a more positive respectful
manner. I am able to laugh. I am being myself; we're talking and
laughing; simple things are pleasurable again. On Sunday, we actually
had dinner in the park and spent three hours just sitting and chatting
away. This could NEVER happen as recently as two weeks ago. By just
following the steps you have mentioned, I have regained some control of
'our' life without even demanding it. I know I've got a lot of work and
a long and perhaps difficult road ahead, but I know that if I keep
practicing, I'll make it."

Nicole A.
Brooklyn, NY

Here are the three phases that I cover inside my program.

Phase I: Individual Healing - Understanding
Personal Feelings and Sorting Through Your Emotions

Phase I is all about you (both the injured and the cheater).

After the affair, your first instinct might be to look for reasons why
the affair happened. You want to know the details of the affairs. You
want to know why your loved one did what they did. You want to know if
you will ever be able to trust your partner again.

This is what I call "externalizing." Externalizing means you are
looking outside of yourself for answers to emotional issues that are
happening within you. You might do this because you believe that
finding the "reason" will help you heal.

This isn't the best path to take. What you need to do is try to come to
terms with your own emotions (and that is the first step I lead you
through).

It is only after this is achieved that you can engage with your partner
without doing additional harm to your relationship.

How To Manage Your Emotions When
You've Been Injured By An Affair

If you just found out about the affair within the last few months, your
mind is spinning and flooded with intense emotions.

The first thing I will do is empower you with the mental techniques to
take control of the emotions that are fighting to take control of you.
You'll learn how to manage the following emotions:
* Jealousy
* Uncertainty
* Shame
* Loss of hope
* Betrayal
* Guilt
* Disappointment
* Anger
* Vengefulness
* Fear
* Frustration
* Paranoia
* And many more

I've never met anyone who hasn't experienced these emotions after an
affair. You are definately not alone. Once you feel them, you can
either stuff them down or learn how to process them. Left alone, they
will only make you calloused.

This is why, on Page 38 of Section 1, I take you by the hand and teach
you how to process the Eight Heart-Wrenching Emotions. By the time
you're through, you will learn how to get these overwhelming emotions
under control.

In addition, over the course of my 30-year career, I have categorized
the most common trials and questions you will have at this time.

I'll help you resolve the Nine Shockwaves: The Nine Most Common
Questions You Will Struggle with When You First Find Out ...

"You really seem to understand how painful it is."

"The nine shockwaves you wrote about are exactly the way I feel. I am
experiencing the four roadblocks to healing. It really helped me to see
in writing that I am not going crazy or feeling things I am not
supposed to feel. You really seem to understand how painful it is."

Georgette Blemker
Fort Wayne, IN

I'll also help you hurdle over The Four Roadblocks to Healing: Four
Monstrous Emotions that Need to Be Faced and Dealt with As Soon As They
Appear.

Discovering how to work through these intense feelings will help you
feel normal again and will allow you to concentrate. These skills will
be priceless to you over the next few months because they will be the
anchor that helps you conquer your insecure thoughts.

When you're done with Section 1, you will have a strong handle on your
emotions. Not only will you understand what you're feeling and why
you're feeling it, but you'll also uncover the following techniques:
* How to stop the raging and screaming before it starts. (This
step-by-step strategy will motivate your spouse to listen and
validate your feelings instead of shutting you down and telling you
it's "your fault".) Page 22
* Why your physical pain, anxiety attacks and crippling depression
does not mean you're going crazy. (This simple 4-step process will
help you dispel the all-to common paranoia before it leaves you
shattered in millions of pieces.) Page 35
* The 12 most critical questions you'll wrestle with immediately
after you discover the affair. (Working through these questions in
this specific order will help you sleep better and free you from
the circus of disorientating thoughts.) Page 22
* Why the affair is not your fault. (5 steps for clearing your mind
and protecting yourself from becoming sucked into a black hole of
shame and negative thinking.) Page 29
* How to free yourself from the violent thoughts that make you scared
to death you're turning into a crazed psychopath. (7 techniques for
cooling your natural desire to take out revenge.) Page 33
* Six exercises you can do right now when the pain of the affair is
so strong it feels like you have a gall stone. (How performing this
one simple breathing exercise will quickly calm you as soon as you
start to hyper ventilate.) Page 38

After you start to understand and control your emotions, the next step
will be to help you recover from the plague of negative thoughts.

How To Get The Images And
Negative Thoughts Out Of Your Mind

Many people come to me terrified that they are going crazy and haunted
with the following:
* How to get the images out of their mind.
* Whether the lover was better than them.
* What they could have done to prevent the affair.
* Wondering if their spouse loves the other person more than them.
* Feelings of paranoia, worthlessness, and insecurity.

All these feelings are normal and to be expected. When the rug is
pulled out from under you, it affects your ability to see things
clearly. That is why this section will help you take hold of reality.

Using my 3-Step Program for Clearing Your Mind And Owning Your Thoughts
will specifically benefit you when you are suffocating from obsessive
images.

How to erase the images out of your mind. (This age-old, 3-step
technique, which I adapted from the core of cognitive therapy, helps to
rescue people who become shipwrecked from all forms of negative and
debilitative thinking.) Page 53

Another major hurdle we'll jump over is rebuilding your
self-confidence. Most likely, you are assuming some personal
responsibility for the affair; as a result, you're questioning your
self-worth.

This, again, is a very normal response to an affair. That is why I will
help you regain what you lost in the course of this tragic time. Not
only will my Seven Keys to Unlocking Love and Respect help get you out
of the rut, these 7 keys will help you start walking confidently again.

How to rebuild your self-confidence, self-respect, and self-trust.
(These Seven keys will help you permanently take control of the hostile
waves of insecure thoughts, feelings, and imaginations.) Page 57

As you can imagine, the injured is not the only one who is hurting at
this time. Before we move into the second phase of the system, it is
imperative that we spend equal time helping the cheating partner cope
with their issues.

How To Restore Trust With Your Partner If
You're The One Who Cheated

After you commit adultery and expose the news to your partner, there
are many legitimate issues you need work through before you can hope to
restore trust.

Again, this will not be an overnight process, but if you follow what I
say consistently, your partner will eventually warm up to you.

In addition to coping with your feelings of guilt, shame, and
hopelessness, you might also be dealing with the emotions directly tied
with the affair. These feelings could include withdrawal, which can be
intensified by the day-to-day hassles of dealing with the lover and
responding to your partner's questions about them.

If you have not broken away from the paramour, you will have to do so
in order to continue working on your relationship. We will deal with
each of the emotional aspects of cutting ties and what to do if the
paramour doesn't want to cut ties with you.

You'll learn the following strategies:
* What to do if the affair meets your needs more than your marriage.
(How to communicate what was missing without crushing your spouse
or making them resent you.) Page 84
* How to permanently break off the relationship with the lover. (Six
critical guidelines for terminating the affair and getting a fresh
start.) Page 78
* What to do if the ex-lover won't leave you alone. (Four ways to
cut-off off all contact and communication with the paramour.)
Page 79
* How to rid yourself from the major withdrawals of the affair. (Why
being in an affair is no different than being addicted to a drug
and how to come clean.) Page 83

"I wish I could have read this before I tried to go back to my lover."

"I wish I could have read this before I tried to go back to my lover.
This time it is over, and I have cut all contact. My husband has
forgiven me, and I will work on rebuilding my marriage. We are both
working on it together and spending quality time together. I have moved
on from the affair and now concentrate on the good things in my
marriage. Your information is so valuable to me and spot on. Thank
you."

Mandy Horeld
Brisbane, Queensland

Like the injured, you will experience strong emotions that could result
in intense mental and physical pain. Working through these in sequence
will help you process the pain and rebuild the relationship. The reason
why is because many of the emotions you will experience could be tied
to why you had the affair in the first place (which we will uncover in
Section 4).

Before we can begin to unravel the complex source of the problem, it is
crucial that we start reconstructing some element of trust.

After learning about your affair, the injured starts to question what
is true and what is a lie. At this moment, for the injured, everything
is questionable; being transparent is the only way you'll rebuild
trust.

At this stage in the game, you will start to see the world from your
partner's perspective and begin to understand how your actions affect
their sense of safety. Knowing this information will help you build new
levels of security through transparency and reassurance.

"...gave me a better perspective on the type of emotions my mate is
going through."

"Being that I am the one who did the injury to my mate, I don't know
the "real" impact of my actions. Reading the sections written for the
injured person gave me a better idea of the type of emotions my mate is
going through and how I can help him work through his healing."

Dora Toulon
Brooklyn, NY

Before you start opening up every door, I need to provide several
guidelines, including The Five Pitfalls to Developing Transparency and
the following:
* How to dispel the rejection from your spouse when they give you the
cold shoulder. (What to do and say when your spouse starts throwing
daggers.) Page 67
* How to live a normal life without arousing suspicion. (5
transparent ways to reassure your spouse that you're not sneaking
around or lying to them.) Page 85
* What to do when it feels like your spouse will never trust you
again. (Uncover what your spouse is feeling and what it is they
actually want, but aren't telling you.) Page 91

"...I am being more transparent."

"After my affair, you taught me how to have a new level of
accountability with my wife, and I am being more transparent with her."

Tom Sanders
Ashville, AL

Now that you have taken the time to look inside yourself and taken
control of the emotional impact of the affair, you are ready to start
working with your partner.

Phase II: Healing As a Couple -
Working Together to Identify and Resolve Key Issues

This component of the system focuses largely on helping you establish a
healthy way to communicate with your partner. I show you how you can
achieve this, as well as how to approach forgiveness, how to decide
when you should talk about the affair, and how to start learning ways
to protect your relationship from further harm.

During Phase II, you and your partner will uncover many important
issues, but the number one thing we will establish is...

A Step-by-Step Program For Effectively
Communicating Without Making Matters Worse

Most people do not have the skills to work through their problems
without getting emotionally sucked into the discussion and destroying
any positive groundwork they've built.

That is why I spend time helping you manage your emotions and teaching
you how to see things from the other person's perspective in Phase I.
Without that foundation, working through Phase II would be fruitless
and do more harm than good.

After you've laid the groundwork in Phase I, Sections 4-6 will help you
move towards forgiveness and get your ship sailing in the right
direction.

It's during this phase that you will start uncovering why the affair
happened and where there are problem areas in your relationship. Once
you know this information, you will begin talking about them and
solving them in Sections 5-6.

Talking for the two of you will be the main component of Phase II.
Because you have dealt with the majority of your emotions, discussing
the details or relational issues will not be so taxing. The injured
partner will not take the details so personally and the cheating
partner will be much more sensitive and choose their words very
carefully.

At this point, the two of you will sit down and go through my system to
uncover:
* Why the affair happened. (A step-by-step strategy to open up your
relationship and look inside with complete honesty.) Page 94
* Why cheaters cheat. (Understanding this one point could keep your
spouse from cheating again.) Page 96
* What was missing in your relationship. (Uncover your primary needs
and more importantly, what your spouse needs.) Page 99
* How to get what you want out of your relationship without dragging
your spouse kicking and screaming. (Implementing these 10 critical
dimensions will help to affair-proof your relationship.) Page 103
* What to do when you both see red and neither party is willing to
back down. (Discover my 3-step method for coming into agreement and
solving almost any problem before it splits you farther apart.)
Page 118

"...step-by-step directions for re-connecting after 36 years of
marriage."

"After the trauma of my husband's betrayal, you gave me hope with a
concrete action plan that helped to provide the best atmosphere for a
successful new relationship. I appreciate what you have done to give us
clear, step-by-step directions for reconnecting after 36 years of
marriage. What seems like an impossible task was broken down into, "do
this FIRST," then, "do this NEXT," and keeps building on successes.
Thanks a lot."

Colleen Talley
Topeka, KS
* How to protect your relationship from getting any worse. (Carefully
avoiding these four destructive minefields will accelerate the
reconstruction of your relationship by helping you gain new ground
instead of managing existing problems.) Page 128
* How to ask for forgiveness. (This is the #1 thing your partner
wants before they accept your apology.) Page 137
* How to talk through the details of the affair. (Use these five
guidelines to move through the discussion, as well as the things
you should avoid at all costs.) Page 148
* How to enjoy talking again. (Implement my 8-step program for
developing communication that leads to a happy, healthy
relationship after the affair.) Page 154

"I loved your detailed steps describing how to apologize."

"I loved your detailed steps describing how to apologize and what an
apology really is. I gained information about how to treat my spouse. I
learned to live by the rule that if I wouldn't yell at him in church, I
should not yell at him at home, no matter how angry I am."

Trudy
Albuquerque, NM
* How to get your spouse to accept what you say without accusing you
of lying. (Learn how you can repair the damage that was done from
repetitive lying.) Page 158
* How to end a conversation before it becomes too hurtful. (Avoid
these 10 destructive habits that demolish trust and destroy love.)
Page 173
* How to warm up the lines of communication when they've been frozen
for so long. (This 2-stage method will open up your spouse, even if
they are guarded tighter than Fort Knox.) Page 160

After Phase II, you will see a very big transformational change. There
will be a stronger commitment to your relationship, a feeling of
honesty when you communicate, and a new sense of intimacy, respect, and
appreciation for each other.

It is as this point that you will both want to start trusting each
other again. You will simply need to know how to do it.

Unfortunately, I speak to people who have been in counseling for years
and have never learned what I am about to teach you in Phase III. These
are the critical steps for helping rekindle a couple's flame and
solidify a new trusting relationship.

These are the techniques that will help you get the love back by
learning how to rebuild a brand new trust-filled relationship.

This is going to be by far the most fulfilling experience of the
system.

Phase III: Negotiating a Renewed Relationship -
Understanding How to Rebuild and Sustain
A New Trust-filled Partnership

It is at this stage that you will notice more emotional predictability
and truthfulness.

With my Five Building Blocks for a Totally Transparent Relationship,
your relationship will begin to flourish with the following qualities:
* Reassurance
* Attention
* Caring
* Support
* Stability

You will ease into the process of giving your faith back to your
partner using the following techniques:
* How to know you can trust your spouse again without being taken for
a fool. (Learn the five forms of trust, as well as which ones you
can give and which ones you can hold back without harming your
relationship.) Page 192
* How you can know when it's time to trust your spouse again.
(Identify some sure signs that you are crossing the bridge and
moving forward.) Page 212

After you start feeling emotionally connected again, you will begin the
physical aspect of your relationship. Intimacy will expand past talking
and move slowly back into sex. I will show you how to get past all the
mental hurdles and enjoy being with each other again with the
following:
* How to have sex again. (Learn how you can feel comfortable with
each again without being consumed by thoughts of the affair or
images of the other person.) Page 230

"...you really hit the nail on the head."

Your section on creating a transparent relationship is fantastic. A
couple I have been working with was stuck and still at risk of losing
their relationship until now. Your written words spoke so clearly and
straight to the point that he now understands what is needed (and
why!), and she is feeling empowered at having read the words to what
she was feeling. They feel that you "really hit the nail on the head,"
and so do I. This is a must-read!"

Sharon Shenker, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Family-Relationship Coach and founder
Director of Divorce Support PLUS,
divorcesupportplus.ca
514-487-5577

"Your information is like a revolution!"

"Your information is like a revolution! Every day the trust in my
marriage builds more and more! I really like the steps to rebuilding
trust.this is hard to do, but your steps make it easier."

Sylvia Williams
Houston, TX

"...I feel more secure and I feel that I can begin to trust him again."

"Building trust has been the biggest challenge for us; at times it
appeared to be impossible. The tips you provided have been great
because it has made my spouse understand my feelings and needs better,
and I feel more secure and I feel that I can begin to trust him again.
Thanks!"

Lylla Childress
Cary, NY

As you can see, I have not only put a lot of time into my system, but I
have put my life into it.

I could have simply written a book and published it, most likely
selling thousands of copies at amazon and Barnes & Noble. If I
wanted to do that, I would have done the same thing every other Ph.D.
with my experience has done:
1. Get an agent.
2. Sign a book contract.
3. Write a book.

But I didn't want to write a book, because books don't save marriages.
And that's the difference with my system.

It's designed to be a system of steps that helps you focus on doing the
right things in the right order to save your relationship as opposed to
figuring it out on your own.

I've done this because I care. I care because I, too, know what it's
like to be hurt from a divorce. Sandy and I have been happily married
for over 25 years (January 19th, 1980), but several years before I met
her, I was married and went through a very painful divorce.

There was no infidelity in our relationship, but after going through
that painful experience, I dedicated myself, my life, to understanding
how to help married couples.

You see, I'm not unique, but I am a minority. Many counselors will make
no commitment in your relationship. For many mainstream counselors,
they see success even if you get a divorce.

That is not me!

I am pro-marriage and I will do every thing I can to help you survive,
especially through something as terrible as an affair.

As you can see, if you want to take control of your emotions, have the
pain and sadness disappear, and get your relationship back, then the
first step is up to you.

Here's What You Need To Do RIGHT NOW To Take
Control Of The Future Of Your Relationship And
Restore The Safety, Honesty, and Intimacy

I divided my step-by-step affair healing system into three phases.
These three phases are separated into a total of 10 sections.

However, I don't want you to think about all 10 sections. I only want
you to think about one. Today I want you to get started with Section 1,
entitled My Spouse Had an Affair - How to Manage Your Emotions.

If you're the one who cheated, then I want you to go to Section 3,
entitled The Cheating Partner - How to Cope with Your Emotions and
Restore Trust with Your Partner.

It will only take you 30 minutes to go through your first section, but
it will save you months, if not years, of continued grief, sorrow, and
anxiety.

I'm only asking you to take this one step at a time and let me prove to
you that I can help you. I'm not asking you to trust me, I'm asking you
to give me 30 minutes and put me to the test.

If I don't help you regain your sense of control and worthiness, if I
don't give you hope and peace of mind and faith that you can get your
life back, then you've only spent 30 minutes.

But if I do help you then you'll gain a new life and a new
relationship.

Now Is The Time To Get Started

But before you do, I want to share a story. Remember Ray and Kathy?
Remember all the pain that they went through? Remember how Kathy was
ready to throw up her hands and give up because nothing ever worked?

Read what Ray had to write about his relationship with Kathy. (I'll
take you through their complete healing process inside my system.)

"There was a point at which both of us knew things were getting better.
It took me learning to be so transparent that Kathy could have no
question about my loyalty to our relationship. It took lots of
conversations. It took time. But eventually, we got there.

"And once we got there, we never wanted to give it up again. Through
the course of our conversations, I learned a whole new side of Kathy.
It was like I fell in love with her all over again. I never wanted to
lose that, or even be in danger of losing that, for the rest of my
life.

"I truly changed over the course of this whole ordeal. I think Kathy
saw that. I think that helped her trust me again and believe that I
wanted to make this relationship work more than anything. I knew,
perhaps for the first time, that where I wanted to be was with Kathy.

"I wanted us to keep moving forward, to keep learning more and more
about one another, and to continue to deepen our relationship. I was so
afraid that we might 'fall off the wagon' and relapse to an earlier
version of our relationship.

"What I figured out eventually was that we could keep moving forward as
long as we continued to practice the techniques we had already learned,
confronted problems when they arose instead of letting them stew, and
continued to grow both separately and together. It's all about
stability. When I figured that out I felt like I found home and I never
had to give it up again."

- Ray Brown

How You Can Make Ray And Kathy's Story Your Story

Because you have come this far and are ready to experience the same
benefits as Ray and Kathy and all the other people I've helped (see my
list of hundreds of real people who have saved their marriage with my
system), I want to show you what I am going to provide to help you.

After you invest in your relationship and order my system today (you
can download it in less than 3 minutes) you will receive:

How to Survive an Affair: A Step-by-Step System for Saving Your Relationship
after It's Been Shattered by an Affair

My complete 30-year comprehensive step-by-step system, designed to help
you work through the healing and restoration of your relationship after
an affair.

Phase I: Individual Healing - Understanding Personal Feelings and
Sorting through Emotions
* Take control of the paralyzing emotions.
* Regain your sense of stability and get rid of the images.
* Eliminate the paranoia and restore your self-confidence.
* Cut-off the affair and move back to your spouse.
* Replace the lies with truth and start over.
* Understand why the affair happened.
* Uncover what was missing and how to add it.

Phase II: Healing As a Couple - Working Together to Identify and
Resolve Key Issues
* Accelerate the healing process: Protect your relationship from
further harm.
* Discover how to talk about the details.
* Transform your relationship with a heart-felt apology.
* Generate new honest communication.
* Ignite a renewed life-long commitment.
* Capture peace of mind with true forgiveness.

Phase III: Negotiating a Renewed Relationship - Understanding How to
Rebuild and Sustain a New Trust-filled Partnership
* Eliminate the suspicion with complete transparency.
* Restore your sex life without haunting visions.
* Affair-proof your marriage for life.
* Develop lasting safety, honesty and intimacy.
* Accept the past without being tormented

What Will It Cost Me To Get Started?

It's impossible to put a dollar value on a renewed life full of
stability, security and a new relationship full of peace and trust.

However, the older I get, the more I am trying to plan for the day I
can retire BUT continue to help people. Because I can't counsel
forever, my goal in life is to empower you to heal yourself. Therefore,
if the last thing I do is perfect a system that empowers a couple to
restore their trust in a loving safe environment, then I will live on
in peace.

Now on to price... If I were to go through all the information with you
personally in as much detail as I do in my system, it would take me
close to 10 sessions just to outline the basics. Because of my
experience and track record, I charge a rate of $260.00 per hour. So at
a minimum, in my office I would have to charge you $2600
.00.

Not to mention, if you and your spouse were to go see any counselor
with a PhD, you would spend a minimum of $195 for 1 hour and probably
only scratch the surface in that first hour. It's also fair to say that
not many counselors have a step-by-step system for helping couples
repair their marriage after an affair. However, I specialize in
affairs.

Very few people can afford to spend $2600.00 on counseling (not to
mention they might not be dealing with a willing spouse) and that is
why I am NOT going to ask anywhere close to that number. As a matter of
fact, I am going to provide my complete system for a fraction of the
cost of one hour with me.

Now You Can Receive My
Comprehensive System For Only $147

-

Click Here Now To Order

In addition to my comprehensive system, I want to make one promise to
you today in case you still have doubts whether my system will help
you. Because you are taking the time to invest in my system, I want to
give this very important promise:

100% Money-Back Guarantee

"If my system does not work for you, then I want you to call me or
e-mail me, and I will refund your money."
* If you don't experience a softening in your relationship
* If your unwilling spouse does not become willing
* If you don't resolve your emotions
* If you cannot restore the trust back into your relationship

Then I want you to e-mail me and I will refund 100% of your money.

That's right. If you don't resolve all the issues that I listed within
at least six months, then I will gladly refund all of your money.

In addition to that, because this program is a download-only program, I
will let you keep everything I sent you. If that does not prove how
passionate I am, then nothing will.

-

(The reason I make my guarantee so strong is because I want you to know
how committed I am to helping you.)

2 Special Bonus Reports I just Released

There's one more very important thing you need to know.

Last week, after surveying several people who bought my system, I
learned some very sad news.

I wanted to know how long ago they found out about the affair. Out of
the group, almost 16% found out about the affair within the last 7
days, with close to 40% learning the sad news within the last 30 days.

Immediately after I learned this information, I spent the next five
days updating my system, and I wrote two new reports that I will give
to you for free because you are buying today.

Bonus Report #1:

What to Do If You've Been Cheated On: How to Pick up the Pieces after You've
Been Ripped Apart by an Affair
(Value: $19.95)

* What to do when you know your spouse is still lying. (What to say
when they promise to" never do it again.")
* Why it's ok to let them have it. (Why you can forget all my rules
of engagement for this short 5-day period.)
* How to uncover what is true and what is a lie. (Why it's okay to
approach everything your spouse says with a healthy level of
skepticism.)
* How to have the freedom to say whatever you choose. (Choosing to
display your raw emotions will help rebuild your relationship from
square one.)

-

Bonus Report # 2:

How to Save Your Relationship if You've Cheated on Your Spouse: Seven
Critical Actions You MUST Take to Avoid the Devastation of a Break-Up or a
Divorce
(Value: $19.95)

* Critical steps you need to take seconds after you break the
horrible news. (Responding to their reaction in this specific way
will significantly reduce the amount of pain your spouse will go
through.)
* How much to disclose and how quickly. (Before you share any
details, you need to understand what will help your relationship
and what will hurt it.)
* The #1 question your spouse will press for and how to handle it
with kid gloves. (Mishandling this question will almost always
destroy your ability to rebuild trust.)
* How to convince your spouse that the affair is over. (Use this
proven technique to remove any doubt in your spouse's mind that the
affair is over.)

-

Why Waiting To Start My Program Could
Hurt Your Relationship

Remember in the beginning of this letter when I told you I could help
almost everyone (if they were willing to begin right away)?

There is a very important reason for that.

Many people put off the healing process because they think it means
they need to forgive and forget (which is not true). So they wait, and
let time be the healer. Even though you think time can be a great
healer, time can also have a negative effect.

Right after an affair is a very turbulent time. Very hurtful things are
said while emotions are revved up. If left alone without any
intervention, a couple could push themselves past the breaking point
and make the healing process near-impossible.

"I wish I had read this before the relationship ended."

"The parts of your system that were most helpful to me were the Seven
Emotional Trials the Cheater Will Face, as well as the section on
Becoming Transparent. I never really looked at it from that point of
view. It was very helpful, although a little too late. Unfortunately my
relationship ended on my birthday. I wasn't aware that my actions
simply didn't demonstrate a type of "transparent" behavior. I wish I
had read this before the relationship ended. Thank you, I will make it
a point never to cheat again."

Veronica Besch
Independence, MO

Because I have proven my point so clearly and given you an absolutely
no-lose opportunity, I strongly encourage you to take action today and
protect yourself, protect your relationship, and protect your future.

All you have to do is click the link below that says "click here to now
to order." Once you do that you will be taken to my order page. I've
chosen a third party payment service called 1Shoppingcart. They use a
128-bit encryption
when you make a payment. That is the same level of security that
amazon uses so you can be sure your payment is secure.

After your payment is authorized, you will immediately be redirected to
my members-only site, where you can begin using my system. (Remember to
start with Section 1.) In addition, I will send you an e-mail with all
the system information so you can save it for future reference.

Your information is private and secure. I will never share any of your
information with anyone. It's confidential All the e-mails coming from
this site will come from me, Dr. Frank Gunzburg.

Don't wait, click here now to order and start the healing process.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Frank Gunzburg

P.S. The other day I received this e-mail from Nichole Williams. It's
proof that you too can use my system to heal your relationship after an
affair and start fresh. Read what she had to say.

P.P.S. How much of my system will help you? That I can't tell you, but
I can tell you that several hundreds of couples have used it
successfully. Click here to read all the wonderful success stories.
(Click here to read the stories from real people.)

P.P.P.S. If you just found out within the last 30 days that your spouse
had an affair, then I know how you feel. You have a lot of intense
emotions and burning questions, and you need something that will give
you immediate relief.

That is why I have a special report written just for you.

In order to help you jump to the areas of my system that you need to
know RIGHT NOW, I've created a special bonus report called my 21-Step
Spontaneous Healing Plan. It will lead you in the direction to get
immediate pain relief. (Click here and get this special fast start
guide now!)

IMPORTANT: Click Here
ONLY If You've Decided
NOT To Order Today

� 2010 Breakthrough Learning Institute - All Rights Reserved 800-
251-7050
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Testimonials | Affiliates

To protect the privacy and confidentiality of individuals and families
referenced herein, the names, circumstances and certain other content
details were modified to ensure such protection.

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